The routine goes something like this: Work, dinner, time with kids, TV, bed, repeat. You’re exhausted, and you need a vacation from life, which begs the question, how much have you connected with your spouse lately?

If this sounds like you, then you probably haven’t had adult alone time in a long time. And you probably miss it—a lot. Wanting adult time doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom or that you can’t stand your children. It simply means that you need a break.

As the devoted mom that you are, you want to know if it’s OK to take a vacation together without your kids.

We say: Yes. Yes, it is. In fact, it’s much more than OK to leave your beloved babes behind for an escape with your partner in life.

Happy Family 101

My husband and I decided to start a family shortly after we got married, welcoming our daughter a year and a half later. Even so, we’d had a few blissful vacations together to understand the significant difference between bliss at home and bliss away: Sex plus romance plus adventure-filled-travel memories add up to a whole lot of “I do” glue that can buoy you through the tedium of whose turn it is to do laundry, or being sleep deprived for two years straight because your first born refuses to sleep through the night.

Three decades later, we are still married, and my husband and I still bring up details from our honeymoon in Ireland and our vacation in Mexico, pre-baby.

Continuing to vacation as a couple—however briefly—from the time your children are small will help strengthen your marriage so you stay happy, with each other and as an intact family unit.

I recall my Psych 101 professor giving a nod of approval to marriage-affirming activities like vacationing together without your kids. He asked the class: “In a family, who is more important, your children or your spouse?”

The right answer: Your spouse. Surprised? I was.

In a family, who is more important, your children or your spouse? The right answer: Your spouse. Surprised? I was.

Perhaps you are, too. But marriage therapists agree that working moms today can put their relationship with a husband or partner at risk when they don’t prioritize it above time spent with and on their children’s needs.

Once I had a husband, a child and a full-time job, I understood: If Mom and Dad aren’t happy together, no one in the family will be happy.

Love That Lasts Past an Empty Nest

Life with kids at home is a constant juggling act among everyone’s schedules. Lots of days, your kids can be all you and your partner focus on or talk about.

And, some days, it’s hard to imagine that the hands-on parenting phase of your lives will ever be over. But, it will end, on average, in just over two decades.

And, some days, it’s hard to imagine that the hands-on parenting phase of your lives will ever be over. But, it will end, on average, in just over two decades.

If too much of what you’ve experienced as a couple during those years has been filtered through the lens of your kids’ schedules, their challenges and triumphs, you might be in trouble when it’s back to just the two of you. Statistics show a surge in couples divorcing after kids leave home.

Date nights are great. Vacations that aren’t kid-themed will go further to help you recalibrate your present and future relationship.

Raising Capable Adults

Recent news headlines report how helicopter parents have morphed into Zamboni parents—determined to sweep away all obstacles that might impede their kids’ smooth-sailing into and through college.

That hasn’t worked out so well for 50 celebrities and power players who tried to buy their kids an Ivy League diploma.

It may sound basic, but vacationing together without your kids, just like all the other ways you incrementally foster your child’s healthy, capable and secure independence—from day care to sleep-away camp—is good for them.

But, not every mom—or child—loves the idea of being apart for more than an overnight. Good news: Today’s tech options go a long way to ease your separation fears, or theirs.

Old-school ways to stay connected while you are away also still work.

Last, but definitely not least: If you are lucky enough to have adoring relatives who are available to watch your kids, it’s a major win-win for enhancing those intergenerational ties.

If not, hire a favorite sitter, even if just for a weekend or two a year.

Remember, you’re doing it for you and your family’s wellbeing. Plus, it’s a lot of fun!