Welcome to our third “Your Relationship Questions Answered” column. Our relationship experts, Hava Rahimian and Tara West, answer this week’s question about love during quarantine. What unusual stories are being created during this pandemic. You can send your questions to havabrahimian@gmail.com 

Sandra Casagrand, Founder, Publisher. 

Dear Hava and Tara,

My partner and I started dating right before Covid shut everything down and sent us into quarantine.  As a result, our relationship deepened and accelerated at a much faster pace than we were expecting and we ended up moving in together.  Due to all the restrictions, neither of us was able to spend time with family which was actually a wonderful way to focus on our relationship and not be too distracted by family expectations.  Now with the restrictions being less rigid and the opportunity to spend time with family is approaching as the holiday season is upon us, we are concerned about how to handle spending time with our families.  How do we preserve our relationship, while at the same time sharing our relationship with our relatives and loved ones?

Sincerely,

Quarantine Love

Dear Quarantine Love,

Congratulations on your newfound relationship!  It sounds like you and your partner have made the best of the difficulties you faced with Covid and quarantine.  Well done!

Healthy boundaries are the cornerstone to all relationships, including those with family and friends.  Boundaries with ourselves, each other, and those with whom we share our lives gives us a sense of safety and preservation.  Without boundaries, you will be setting yourself up for resentment and anger towards your partner and others.  Remember that you are the one who shows people how you expect to be treated and that doesn’t change with family and friends.  Start off the conversation with your partner ; discuss with them what types of boundaries you need to establish for your relationship to feel safe and protected.  Communication is key to getting on the same page and understanding the needs of your partner.  When it comes to spending time with family during the holidays, have a plan for if/when your family starts to ask questions about your relationship you’re not ready to answer.  Have some responses ready and practice saying them so they feel organic and natural to you.  Finally, remember that just because you are with family, that doesn’t give them the right to insert themselves into any aspect of your life.  If the family gathering becomes too intrusive and you feel like they aren’t respecting your boundaries, you have the right to excuse yourselves and leave. Family dynamics can be difficult to maneuver, especially when you have a new relationship you are trying to protect.  Stay true to yourselves and your boundaries and the rest will fall into place.

About Tara and Hava Our relationship experts, Hava Rahimian and Tara West, are two friends that met in college and both embarked on  careers as licensed counselors  (LMFT& LMHC) . They’ve maintained their friendship through the years even as their lives took them to different sides of the country and ultimately different career paths.  Tara made a life change a few years ago and took the leap to becoming a fashion styling, shopping and content creator.